This is a story
This is a story
About a girl
Who was seven years old when she decalared she would move to England
And all the adults laughed
And told her she was funny and would
Grow up eventually
But even at 13 felt she was incredibly different than her classmates
And no amount of trying to fit in
Made any real difference
She began travelling at 18
And left permanently at 23
And there are always tears at the airport
And questions every time
Of “why can’t you just stay?”
But she knew there was a difference in freedom
And being free
She knew she was always built to leave
There once was a girl
Who always felt a hole in her heart
And a restlessness combined with a desire to be seen
For more than the average person
Constantly trying to earn love
The way she earned academic success
But no amount of trying to prove herself to those around her
Could fill the void created by all the times she felt abaondoned
Felt unseen
And though she knew she was built for leaving
She hung on too tight
Even to the things she knew weren’t right
There once was a boy
She met at uni
Who broke her heart
Giving her a run around
Until she collapsed out of breath
And realised this was anything but love
And throughout all the tears and months of back and forth
She’d began taking again to her estranged mother
Late night phone calls
Her body sick with exhaustion
She thought she’d be mad at him forever
But the anger faded in a thankful pulse
Because as their movie screen turned to black
She realised
Because of him she’d gotten her mother back
And she once knew a boy who lives in Australia
Who she was lucky enough to spend seven days with
And she thinks
“funny isn’t it?”
How she felt more for him in seven days
Than any of the ones she’d gone out with
in two years
But the boy from Australia had to go
Which she had always known
The first one she want wanted to stay
But could never keep
So again she walks the streets alone
And it took a few weeks of confusion and sadness
and cursing the sky to realise
He’d brought her back to life
Lucky enough to have had him
And now she lets him go
Because she knows now that longing just isn’t enough
And you can’t fall in love over an ocean
So she wishes him light and love
A fading sunset over their cove
And there are two people she’s left in the states
Beautiful best friends who wanted her to stay
And keep asking when she’ll come home
And they might not know it
But they’re love has kept her afloat
All these long years away
But really since she’d met them
And maybe life isn’t black and white
But she’d use a black pin in unearseable ink
to one day map her way back to them
Their names tattooed on her skin
In bold letters
“Their love was my feathers”
And her friends in England
Keep her skipping home
Knowing the choices she made
Had brought her a million miles
To the right place
Travelling all over London
Tears in comforters
And laughs in pubs
The way the light spills on them
Whenever they’re around
Healing that expectation
She was something to prove to the world
Because the world had now met her
And this time she asked it to stay
And the voices urging her to constantly leave
Faded away
And her family came to visit
Walking arm in arm with her dad
Finally able to let her anger spill out
The way the ocean spills over sand at high tide
Lapsing over all the dependency she’d endured
Walking with her sister in the beach
Laughing at comedy
Meeting her friends
Healing that hole she’d ignored for years
And as she cried letting them ago when it was time for them to return
She said
“You’ve left me again”
And they said
“Honey you left us first
But we all think your incredibly brave
Doing what none of us dared to even dream of-
And we’re incredibly proud”
A breath giving sound
A feeling of relief
Because they finally knew
She was always meant to leave
This is a stroy about a girl
A girl who smokes too much
And loves a bit too hard
Creating chaos to stop the feeling of drowing
In her own fears
But this is also a story
who every day
Gets closer to filling that void
Of learning how to be loved
Learning how to stay
And when to let go
Looking in the mirror
A face constantly growing
Coming to terms with lights fading
Life,
is always changing
