Opioid

So this is what it looks like

Laying on the bathroom floor 

Folding myself into my knees 

My tears beat the floor beneath me

Like they are trying to force it 

To let me fall through

So this is what it feels like

Hating myself again

again again again 

To wonder how I keep falling into this rabbit 

hole

Where the falling never stops and

Where the only thing 

I can hear 

is my heart beating 

And the internal berating 

 ricocheting around 

my head

How could you how could you how could you—

again.

I read once 

that in China

People got so addicted to opioids

They refused to go to work

And China’s economy crashed.

I heard once,

myself say 

I would never become addicted to anything 

I said,

opioids would never catch 

Me.