I said I love you to a Ghost

THE SECOND POEM IN THE ADAMS SERIES

I said I love you to a ghost 

I can’t meet your eyes 

I hate them 

They look at me like they need something 

And I’m indignant at what that could be 

Did I just taint a memory that was already tainted? 

Do I have a tendency to make everything worse? 

I didn’t ask you to kiss me 

You and all your damn romantic jargon 

You don’t even mean 

In one week I wrecked the past 

In the name of curiosity 

Sometimes we get what we want 

Sometimes we regret what we know 

Curiosity killed the cat 

And I let her die 

Kicked her into the street 

You said you’d fallen hard

And I wanted to say 

“In three days?”

But I didn’t 

I smiled 

But my eyes didn’t 

You wouldn’t know

Because I looked at my hands 

Purposefully 

I said I love to you a ghost 

But you thought it was for you 

You said 

“I want to come see you” 

And I said 

“If you want to”

Then I ignored all your calls

Maybe I don’t mean a thing I say 

I don’t think you do either 

Maybe you know now

That when I said 

I love you 

It wasn’t to you 

It was to the past 

The one I was stuck in for years

A week to fix years of wanting retrubtion 

And I said I love you to a ghost