Pumpkin

I once knew a girl 

Who got a pumpkin tattooed on her ankle 

In remembrance of her father 

Who threw himself off a parking garage 

High school, senior year 

The same girl year after year 

Said she was going to be getting braces 

“Soon” 

And it took me to long to understand 

What soon meant 

The same girl who sat with me at lunch in middle school 

When I was being bullied 

Just us two at a table 

Just us and a lifetime of gratitude earned that day  

A girl who lives across the world now

A girl I dont get to see 

We’ve both grown so different from the children we used to be 

And we haven’t talked in years 

But sometimes when I see a pumpkin

I think about her 

And how who I would be if it had been my dad who jumped off the roof of a parking garage 

And I think thats pretty petty of life to do to her

–

And even though we don’t speak anymore 

When I think of her 

I’m still that middle school cafeteria

As all my friends sit without me

And I can see her walking next to me 

Not turning to to to the other table

I hear myself say 

“Your sitting with me?” 

She didn’t let a bully win that day

I once knew a girl who I owe a whole cafeteria of gratitude to

With a pumpkin on her ankle 

And hardness in her eyes 

And I if I could say one more thing to her

I would say:

I’m sorry that life can be so petty 

And for the hand you’ve been dealt 

But no matter what happens 

No matter what country I move in to 

I’d still walk into any cafeteria with you